Guilty

Ever just have one of those days that makes you want to curl up into a ball and shut the world out? That is today.

It started last night with E waking up at 3 am deciding it was time to wake up and play. I know I should be blessed that I have a baby who will normally sleep 10-12 hours a night but last night I just wanted to sleep. She was up from 3-5. I wasn't happy about that. She'd cuddle for a bit, I put her back in the crib, leave the room and she screams and screams and screams. I was sooo tired! So I go back in the room and she starts laughing and playing and smiling. Not funny girl. Then as I'm trying to get her back to bed with her screaming D is still in bed, now normally that wouldn't bother me, he does have to get up and go to work in the morning but for some reason last night I just wanted him to get up and help me but didn't feel right asking. Needless to say I was pretty bitter at him for no fault of his own, I should have asked if I needed the help.

So with that E ended up being really cranky all day long. ALL. DAY. LONG. And tonight was the night D was going to the Brier so that was hanging on my head all day long. I just didn't want to do this by myself today. E only napped for a bit this morning and then she didn't want to nap this afternoon, woke up after 40 minutes crying and I knew she was still tired because she was so cranky all day. So I go upstairs and sure enough she had pooped so I changed her diaper and then just held her and rocked her for 20 minutes till she went back to sleep. She soooo needed that. Woke up and happy as can be. Full of smiles, full of laughs. Just my happy girl back.

So then what... now I'm sitting here tonight upset that I was so upset all day long. Feeling guilty for being so tired and feeling guilty that I know I was not myself today. Feeling guilty for being upset with D for not helping me. E is in bed and I'm sitting her all alone surfing the internet feeling like a failure for being upset? Why? Why do I feel bad for being upset? Everyone is allowed an off day yet why do I feel guilty about it?

Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning!

Oh yes! And tomorrow I get to go see my little brother in a play at the high school I went to! I can't believe he's 16! He's Romeo's father in Romeo and Juliet I'm so excited to see him in the play, in my old drama classroom from 13 years ago!! Oh exciting times!!